I'll plant my tree in the middle of the spinning world

I kind of feel like the world around me is spinning really, really fast, and I'm standing in the middle of it, all still, just watching it speed past me. You know when you're in a car, and the scenery outside is moving, but you're not, and your eyes try to see what's out there, but you can only focus on one thing at a time, and so you miss things in between? I feel like that...
The fact that this is New Year is just terribly appropriate- new beginnings and whatnot.
By the way, I hope your new year is happy, and I wish you all the best. I got a really nice email from my Chicago cousin- we really ought to correspond more than we do.
I got the job; the one I mentioned before? I'm now a permanent employee of my company, with salary and benefts and real responsibilities and things. It's been a fast two weeks, learning the job, trying to get the hang of things, and trying to get everything that needs doing done, cause having to learn everything from scratch slows me down, so at the end of the day (even if I've learned a lot) I feel like I haven't accomplished much, because project-wise, I only finished one or two things. It's frustrating, but I'm coming along. And I'm really happy about the job thing.
And now I'm looking for my own place to live, which is this whole big thing, and kind of sudden, but that's because of something to do with the Mom I live with, and if she had a blog then you'd read about that there, but I won't put it down here. Suffice it to say, I need me a place to live.
I'll admit it was a little sooner than I anticipated (I know, I'm 25, and shouldn't be talking about STILL living with my mother), but I'd kind of been thinking that I'd have some 'saving up' time between getting the big job and moving-on-up. I think fate is holdning a rug and laughing at me on my ass. I'm okay with the moving out- I am- it's just a little sudden, and I'll admit, I'm not quick with the whole 'giant responsibility' thing. I'm processing.
So, we went out and looked at a few places, and I will say this; this is a bloody expensive city to live in. It kind of sucks. Really.
So, what I can afford is probably a bachelor apartment, an idea which I am not entirely comfortable with, and which, a week ago, I was dead-set against (there have been 'discussions' with Mom; I'm coming around). But I'm thinking now that if I can find something that is marginally more than a box, I might be able to do something with it. It's just the idea that if I invite someone over, I'm inviting them to my bedroom; that wigs me out.
On the other hand, I am liking the thought of having my own place. I told Mom some of my plans- I'm going to paint it blue and beige, there's a chaise lounge at Ikea I'll be buying, etc., and her comment was something along the lines 'aww, you're nesting', which I found rather distasteful and gross. I'm not laying a freaking egg, I just want my own damn house for the first time in my life (I'm almost 26, I figure it's about time).
So those are the two major things that have been chewing my brain, and a good reason why I haven't blogged in so long (a lot of the 'before' part of what I'm writing here had more to do with my mother than with me, so I was censored. BOO!)
There have been other things, though. Hugh's birthday is next week, and for it he wants to get a tattoo, which is something I have been thinging about (on and off, seriously and not) for years. Lauren, too, is up with this idea, and I wouldn't have been (Mom's pretty adamantly against them, her main argument being that when you get old, they sag and it's gross, and also, that you're doing something permanent to your skin that you might not want later.) My response to that is that a tattoo is something you get at one point in your life, and for the rest of your life, you can look at it and REMEMBER that point. Who cares if, when you're sixty, you're not the type of person who would go out and get a tattoo? You can look down at that whatever on your whatver and think of how, when you were 25, you were that type of person. Also, I kind of like the idea (warning, this is morbid) that when I die, and end up on some table in a morgue, that there will still be something there of me. It's like tying something of your self to your skin, which is otherwise kind of empty-vessel-like.
Anyways, like I said, despite all this, I wasn't really up for a tattoo, because I do work in a corporate world, so I'd like to be able to hide whatever I had on me, but I don't like the idea of tattoos that are in private places, because then if you want to show someone, you have to show your whatever, or else you can't show them at all. And I also don't like something like, on your back, because what's the point of getting something on your skin of you can't see it without a mirror and contortions? However, I've thought of the perfect place. It's private but not private, always hidden unless I don't want it so, and even if I was in the middle of the cafeteria at work, if I wanted to show someone, I could, and I wouldn't get fired. The only problem is, it would hurt a lot, and be really, really hard to heal. So, I have some thinking to do. I also have to settle on a design. I'm thinking a tree. Trees are permanence, they are roots, they are growth and life, they are solidity, knowledge, the balance of good and evil...they have a place in (just about) every religion, in every mythology. So, I'm thinking a tree. But, I'm open to suggestions.
There's more to write- we went to Rosh Hashona dinner last night with the Robins, and it was really nice, and their new place (yeah, everyone is moving) is great- oh! and my uncle gave me a piece of his artwork (he does wood carvings), and I am so jazzed about having one, this thing is awesome)...but I'm tired right now, and there's beading to be done. It's Sunday, and I have a great big day of bedsurfing planned. Wahoo.

Unintentionally wonderful

Forgive me; I wrote this blog on paper (old school) on the bus on the way home from work a couple of days ago...so, it's already out of date. But here you go, anyways.

I feel spun. Totally dizzy. Ever have a day that's just so beyond good- and none of it your own doing, like "I went to Disneyworld and thus had a good time", but an unintentionally great day, like "I tripped on a diamond on my way to work this morning" type of day. I just had one of those.
It started out normal. Then I got a call to go to one of the marketing managers' offices. We talked about a job for me. Then I talked to another mm- about a job for me. Then I talked to a third mm, who'd talked to an editor about me, for a job. Then I got called back to the first mm's office for a 'follow up', that included lines like "Your salary will be..." "You get full benefits and bonus...", and, "Your start date is..."
YAY!
Then, (like that's not enough), the prez of the division walked into my cubie at the end of the day, and asked me if I could help him with something. (This is a guy I never have contact with, he's so far above me. I didn't know he knew my name.) He leads me into his offie, sits down at his computer and says "I messed up my font, can you fix it?"
For a moment, the voice in my head is like, (dripping sarcasm) 'No, why would you think *I* could do that?' But then I saw what it was he'd done, and I totally fixed it. For the prez!
And I'll go on, cause there's just so many reasons why life is great right now. Like, guess what I'm typing this on right now? My new compy.
Yeah, the brother came over a couple of weeks ago and tried to reformat my computer, and it laughed at him and then lost it's brain. Within the same day, he had convinced me (and helped me) to order a brand-spankin-new computer! (You know my brother; the one who can talk a cat into water.) Now my new computer is here and it's wonderful! Its fast and un-bulky and shiny...I feel a little guilty, cause my old monitor was sort-of a birthday present from my aunt. But I used it and loved it well, plus it was kind of huge, and if I ever move my butt out of my mother's house, this new one will be much easier to move.
Also, last weekend the brother came over and he and Mom and I went kayaking, which I'd never done before, and it was very fun. Relaxing and natureful in the middle of Toronto; we saw herons and cormorants and ducks and minnows and dead carp and blackflies and lost tennis balls and shopping carts and a subway train. Then we went home and inhaled a pizza.
Anyways, I can think of a bunch more good things right now, but this is getting kind of long, and I've gotta go. Hope you're all doing great, too!

Life keeps getting in the way of beading

I don't really know why (it wasn't a deliberate act on my part), but in the past three weeks or so, every new jobn posting at work has looked really good to me- so I've applied. Its a good thing, ostensibly, except that three in three weeks (and all ther interviews are, like, now) is making it seem like I'm kind of eager to get out of there (except they're all positions within the company, so that's not exactly true). All I know is, work right now is busy, and therefore stressful, and I pretty much don't have time for all these interviews.
Except that they're a great excuse for buying new clothes. Which is great, except that my whole plans for yesterday were to park myself at this great beadstore I found (not as good as Deb's, but nothing is) and bead for hours at their 'free bead' session (basically just a bunch of beaders getting together). Its nice cause you get to meet new people, share techniques, show off your work, and get ideas for new stuff. But instead I got an interview scheduled for the next day, and had to forego beading in lieu of interview prep. Not that I'm complaining about having an interview- I just really wanted to bead.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get dressed- I have an interview!

Her as a mother can be an adventure

Know what's illegal in our building? Barbeques. Know what she has? A barbeque. Know what she did with it tonight? Made burgers. Then, an unintentional campfire, out of a bag of potting soil, that was next to...the propane tank! We finish our dinner, and she goes, "What's that smell?" Then, "Oh, shit", then, "Get me water!" "I need towels!"

Me: What did you do?
Her: I started a fire! Ssh!
Me: What do you mean, you started a fire, and also, 'ssh' does not logically follow the words 'I started a fire!'
Her: Just be quiet and get me water!

Yeah, so now I smell like a campfire (that has been put out, don't worry!), and she can't stop laughing about it.
"You know, I thought, when I put that stuff under the barbeque, that it might not be the best idea. I was right!" she says, and then accuses me of going off to blog in the middle of a crisis. The crisis was dealt with by the time I started this, though, and besides, as Lauren's blog states, Isaac Asimov once said, "If the doctor told me I had six minutes left to live...I'd type a little faster."

Long-awaited update (and it's not up-to-date!)

I have three types of mornings at work: there’s the bright, happy morning with work that involves activity, and a clock that goes extra fast. These mornings, I have an English muffin, if I remember and have time to go to the caf.

Then, there are quiet mornings, which involve the usual English muffin, and a cold pop or juice. It wakes you up, especially in warm summer days.

Then, there are hot chocolate mornings. Even in summer, they arrive. They’re the days better spent in bed, the days when, given the chance, you *might* have had a shower and got ready for the day…around three.

Monday (Today) was a hot chocolate morning.

I feel I need to recover from the weekend. We went camping, though honestly that doesn’t really cover what we did and why it left me feeling roadkillesque.

There was the trek to Orangeville, to Laur and Kev’s shiny-new grown-up residence (have I mentioned that?), which in itself is a marathon of public transportation: a bus, a subway, a train, an inter-city bus, and then a car ride. We met Hugh at their place (he’s just made purchase of his first motorcycle, and wanted the practice the drive up would give him). Dinner, then a bunch of laying around, including a movie. Late night.

Saturday morning saw us moving slug-like, until we got on the road (oneish?) and drove two hours to the campground. The site was nice- trees and everything- but this was pretty bare-bones camping on our part- we had a tent. And that was about it, in terms of camping gear.

We bought a pie-iron. Know what that is? It’s an iron square, that flips open and fits two slices of bread and filling in it. You put it in the fire and it makes pie-like concoctions. Think rustic sandwich-maker. We had grilled cheese for two days!

That night we went down to the beach around midnight. It was incredible- I don’t really think of myself as a city girl, but I certainly felt like one then. There were so many stars! I forgot that you can actually see the Milky Way. Now I remember.

Sleeping was…well, is camping sleep ever very good? Use your imaginations.

And then there was a day on the beach (mucho sun), and a LONG way home, with A&W for dinner. Not the best choice, but we wanted something fast and…fast.

The upshot? I don’t want to eat anything but salad for a week.

There’s a way to blog through email. I have to look into that. I keep thinking about stuff that happens and thinking “I’ll blog that”, and then I get distracted, or busy, or whatever, and forget about it. And then I feel guilty, which is not something I want from my blog.

This has been one busy summer, but it has definitely been a summer (there have been years when the friends we so spread out that we rarely (if ever) saw each other, and the only thing (it felt like) I did was work. Those were not summers. Those were days with a hot commute, and you enjoy none of it. But this summer is good, with beach days and 48 hour parties and, believe it or not, baseball games (the brother took me! It was fun).



But that doesn’t mean that this summer’s been nothing but wildness. Work is okay. They put me back down to part-time hours (for budget reasons; I’m still doing well there). I don’t like the lack of hours to get stuff done, and I’m definitely disappointed with the less money thing, but I’m not really railing against the ‘Fridays off’ thing as much as I could be. As for the whole deal with doing something other than being an intern? Well, as most already know, it’s pretty obvious I never went for that Calgary thing; it just wasn’t right, either the timing or the place or something amorphous and ephemeral that I couldn’t put my finger on, but that was there. My instincts haven’t steered me wrong before, so I trust them.

I have, however, put my name in the hat for another position. In BC.

Yeah, I know. I doubt I’ll get it- there’s lots of competition to go out there, and I’ve got to be the most inexperienced applicant there is, but once I thought about applying for it, things just kind of rolled that way, which is usually a good sign for me. Mom went out there last year, and when she came back all she said was “You’d love it out there; it’s where you belong.”

Princess and the pea

Today, I spent more money, in one day, than I ever have before in my life.
No, seriously- I've paid for places to live that cost me less than what I spent today.
I had to call the bank and get them to raise my limit (for the record, the bank is very helpful with that, and quick too!)
I bought a bed. And shoes, but the big thing was the bed.
Hooray, I have a new bed! It's gigantic and fluffy and brand-spankin-new and mine-all-mine and I'm happy and proud (and a little jittery about spending lots of my money, cause it's kind of precious stuff, and I don't have oodles of it).
But I'm glad I did it.
Bed shopping has got to be one of the most rediculous things you can do in public, legally.
You just walk into the middle of a store and lie down repeatedly. You bounce and you twist, and you make Odalisque poses and you say things like "Mushy isn't good, but I like the one with the bumpies" or "This one is too sinkey", while Mom prattles on about back support. Forget back support; I'm sleeping on cloud nine! (Maybe I'll name my new bed that, get a little sign for it...)
And the cats'll be happy.
Too bad I can't just put a kaibosh (sp?) on all spenditures from now on to let my wallet recover; I've gotta buy new sheets! And covers, and pillow cases, and more pillows...
And I think I'm going to get out my green beads, and bead myself a little green pea, to put underneath the mattress- for luck.

The world is one intimidating oyster

Okay, so I just (read: Tuesday evening) got back from a business trip to Montreal that my company sent me on. Yes, yes, it’s terribly cool that an intern got flown to Montreal, put up in one swank of a hotel (I’ve decided that swank can be a noun if I want it to), and wined-and-dined on the company dollar.

Speaking of which, man, was that food good. Montrealers and business people sure do know how to eat! Even the wine was good, and for me, that’s saying something.

But the thing to pay attention to here is, I was eating with the big businessman, namely my boss’s boss, the VP of marketing.

And what did we talk about? Well, among other things, what I was going to do post-internship.

Now, it isn’t like this snuck up on me. I knew this dinner would happen, I knew this is what we would talk about. I even knew what I was going to say.

See, my boss is a coordinator. She’s already said that I’m working ‘above an intern; you’re doing the job of a coordinator’. And frankly, that suits me just fine. My ideal was, come end-of-internship, change my title, and my pay, and leave everything else alone. I can be Bethany the marketing coordinator, in my familiar desk with the good locale, doing the job I know, and am good at, and like.

So this is what I say. I say, “I like marketing. I’d like to stay.”

And he says “What about sales?”

I try to say no politely. I think I need practice with saying no politely. Not that I wasn’t polite. I said something about wanting to be stationary for a while, having not had roots (or, for that matter, even my own pot of soil) for, like, ever. (If you follow my metaphor, that is. Lauren says I use too many of these, and that they’re often incomprehensible. She claims the need for a metaphortress to guard herself in.)

But yeah, so I’m like, ‘sales isn’t for me’, in different words, of course.

But see, my boss, he’s a salesman. And I think he kind of wants to sell me on sales. So he starts ‘selling’. (And it goes without saying how cool it is to have the big boss trying to talk you into a position.)

The money- wow.

The perks- wow.

The moving to somewhere I’ve never been- wow.

The never being home- ow.

The stress- ow.

And yes, I’m, as I said myself, fairly rootless. And it’s true that I own, like, next to nothing, and could pick up an move with about 30 seconds’ thought. But do I want to? I don’t really feel done with Toronto yet.

And sales sounds (and as far as I can tell, is) fairly exciting. But do I like exciting that much?

It may paint me with the fuddy-duddy brush to say so, but I kind of like the quiet life. I like sitting in front of the television and beading for hours. I like laying about on a Sunday with nothing to do, cause you’ve got time to do those errands later. I like staying in bed long hours after waking up, with the very very good excuse that I’m doing it ‘because I can’.

On the other hand, debt has a stress all its own. And sales is (pretty undoubtedly) where the money is. It would be good to get rid of those student loans before I hit my forties.

And it’s pretty damn cool to have my boss’s boss talking to me about moving not just into a full time place in the company, but way up there on the chain. You know what sales reps who are done being out in the field do? They become marketing managers. And marketing managers become VP’s. And then they do whatever they want, cause they’re just that impressive.

And yet, and yet.

There’s still the thought of Britain that haunts me (literally like a spectre of a Union Jack that floats though my brain at odd moments). If I’m so rootless that sales seems such a possibility, then why do I hesitate with the idea of moving over there? Well, for one, it feels like I’d be abandoning my student loan, which is ridiculous and I know it, I could pay that from England just as easily as I could from here, but part of me still wants to feel FREE…

And I haven’t even tried editorial yet. I don’t want to do another internship after this one, really, I’m ready for the real-thing job now, but going into sales means going for that whole marketing career thing, and I’m still not sure I want that.

Also, I wonder what happened to the trade dream? (Real lit books, like you find in Chapters, not textbooks). That’s what I got into publishing for, wasn’t it? And, if I don’t even try to go there, am I following the money? That’s not like me…

See, I knew I was looped on this subject, and now I’m sitting here typing endlessly, and it’s painfully obvious how looped I am.

And there’s more. I was about to type that I need to talk to Lauren to help me figure all this out (she’s a touchstone), but she and Kev are leaving for the tropics in a couple of days. Good for them, but now I’m thinking of how Laur’s leaving for Australia in a remarkably short time, and that’s just one less root I have holding me..anywhere.

Mom’s the same.

Heck, Kev doesn’t even live in this city, and Hugh’s busy all the time and that’s only going to get worse. The few times he does get off, he likes to go traveling- I’d probably see more of him if he was coming to visit me somewhere else than if we were still living in the same city.

So it comes down to a position, that pays well, comes with som e damn good perks, on my very own silver platter...but, with a lifestyle that I'm not sure is what I want, with a lot of risk of nothing going the least bit well, and with a choice that doesn't really feel like mine.
The world is my oyster, but I don't even know if I like oysters.

Contacts, contact, cat, and coat

I can’t decide whether this is a good thing or a bad thing; you wear glasses every single day, and it’s fine. Then one day (for very little reason), you wear contacts…and nobody notices. What I can’t decide is, does that mean your glasses are particularly good, that they allow your face to be focused upon and don’t distract others, or is it bad, that your frames do nothing for you? Would it be better to keep wearing them, since the added hassle of contacts seems to hardly be worth it, if wearing the contacts makes so little difference?
I can’t decide whether to feel pleased or put out.

That was yesterday. Yesterday was also the day that Mom and I had the brother over for dinner (breakfast for dinner; ham and eggs and hashbrowns and beans…mmm…). I should mention (so that this makes sense), that for the lazy everyday, Mom and I eat at the coffee table in the living room, in front of the tv (yeah, we’re unmannered plebes- bite me). And three around that table is a lot more crowded than two. Result? My plate sliding off the beveled edge and flipping over before hitting the floor. Do you have any idea how much mess that makes? Or how disappointing that is? It started out so tasty…
And then my snobby-assed cat stuck his nose up at it. We tried six times, he was disinterested. He stole the leftover ham off Mom’s plate and attacked that, he licked the brother’s plate clean. He wouldn’t touch mine. Jerk.

And we spent the night talking about what was new, including the plans Mom has to go back out west at the end of the summer. She keeps being so conflicted; she so excited about going, but at the same time she keeps stopping herself and saying ‘but this can’t continue this way…’ I get her conflictedness, cause she’s right, but she’s happy too. So boo to confusion, do what feels good (my everlasting philosophy).

Speaking of doing what is good and not always ideal, I bought (another) coat. Long ago (read: highschool), I had an addiction to buying coats that was less than good. I think I had five. Or six. For one season.
Anyway, I broke myself of that habit, mainly by refusing to buy a coat, any coat, for, like, a couple of years. And by then none of the old ones fit, but I was averse to buying a new one, and then it was a chore…
I’ve wandered off track here. My story is, I needed (desperately) a coat for spring, and couldn’t find anything nice or well-fitting. I didn’t think my demands were that bad- I didn’t want black, I didn’t want a trench, I didn’t want a belt, and I didn’t want to pay more than a certain amount (a big certain amount; I was frustrated, and that drives up what I’m willing to pay) for it. (This was weeks ago, btw). What did I end up getting? A short, black, trench with a belt. That I like ok. It did the job.
And now the weather is gorgeous, with tons of sun, and every afternoon is so hot that you can’t wear a coat. A coat is definitely no longer what I need.
So, of course, I found a beautiful, perfect, everything-I-wanted coat, and (unwisely, pointlessly, foolishly, indulgently) bought it. I love it. It’s green and white and long…it looks a little more like a Lauren coat than a me coat, and I want her to try it on, but she can’t have it.
It’s mine, as impractical as it is. And it will stay in that closet as long as it bloody-well has to, until I get to wear it. Even if I am forty by then.

Oh joyous day, kaloo, kalay!

My shopping drought seems to be over! I’ve been to three malls in three days, and I’ve got a ton a great stuff (purses and skirts and hats, oh my!). I adore spending money. Hard-earned money that I’ve willingly given up (from Vivah) to spare myself further aggravation. Yes, folks, as of a week today, my tenure at the jewelry store is through. Huzzah!
Actually, everyone’s had a good week this week. Lauren got accepted to teacher’s college, and has decided to fly away to Australia for a year, come February (cry, cry), and her program includes a short practical placement in Africa, which just couldn’t be any cooler (Bite your tongue- I can hear that bad pun about the weather in Africa that you’re dying to give voice to. Squash the voice, lest ye be judged, and found nerdly.)
Also, Laur recently did a job (she works for a company that does graphic design for ads and stuff) for the Royal Ontario Museum, for some symposium thingie on dining (of all things), and they gave her free tickets to the first night of the symposium, and she took me, and the keynote speaker turned out to be one of my old art history profs from Mac! She did a lecture on dining in the Roman ages, complete with slides, that was exactly like being back at school. It was very neat.
And Hugh and Lisa were (very randomly) offered a free movie at one of the most expensive Silvercity’s (great big movie theatre) in the city, and it was all about gymnastics (Lisa’s a gymnast, so- appropriate!), and Mom and I (after one good shopping blitz on Friday after work) went out for dinner, where we got great service from a cute waiter, who gave us three entrees (Mom’s first one was disappointing), and then they asked us some questions and gave us everything for free (how cool is that?).

And other big things have been happening. Jerry recently visited. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned Jerry, or maybe I have, but only in passing. See, the whole Jerry thing started right around the time that Mom was getting all up-in-arms over my putting stuff about her on here, and I was pretty sure I’d lose my head if I mentioned him online, so I trod lightly.
But here come the stompin’ boots!
Okay, so for the record… Jerry and Mom dated in highschool (think flowerpower), and then left their hometown and went separate ways. This was forever ago, and now they’re back together. It’s a totally strange, but kind of simple-in-a-full-circle kind of way. Meh. She’s happy, the details are moo (a cow’s opinion).
And he came to visit! (This is a big deal- Jerry lives on the other side of the country, and hey, it’s a big country.) He was nervous about meeting the brother- that was cute. And he’s, like, freaky smart. He’s a good guy. (Jerry, don’t let this go to your head, though).
So, Mom was all ridiculous for a couple of weeks (lol). It sounds like they had a good time.
And what has she done since he left? She cut off all her hair. (Had it cut off by a stylist, that is. It wasn’t some freaky scissor-fest a la Royal Tenenbaums). Very risky, but I think it’s good.

What else is new? OH! Work is totally awesome (at the publishing place). They’re sending me to Montreal! I get to go to fly up all by myself (I sound like a four year old when I say that, don’t I?), and go to a conference, and have dinner with the boss and stuff! Plus, I got to book my own flight times, so I totally get some free time, which is cool cause I’ve never been to Montreal, and the company is paying (but it’s not like I’m doing anything wrong or anything- they approved it!). I’m so freakin’ excited!

Anyways, I think that’s all I can think of for now. I’ve been checking out this site called the Brick Testament that Jerry told me about, but honestly I have yet to get through it, or form a solid opinion of it, so I’ll hold off comment till later. Hope everyone’s week’s been good like ours, even if it rained.

The winds of change are a-blowin’

I’m going to quit my job at the jewelry store, I think.

I’m pretty sure.

I’ll know by Saturday.

I hate it there. I ranted to Lauren, wanna see?



God, I hope you check your email today.
I have been thinking, for three days, of quitting my job (at Vivah). I'm sick of their corporate bs, managers who don't know what 'management' means (or 'corporate responsibility', or 'responsibility' at all, or 'equality'...)
And the pay sucks ass and I'm barely making anything there and I'm sick of it.
But, it's not like my internship is stable or long-lasting or secure or anything. And I liked having a backup.
But then, jobs like the jewelry store are all over the place, and if I really needed another I could probably find one really easily, in a better mall, with a better company.
At the very least, it couldn't be worse.
Yeah, I know I haven't asked you anything yet, and I'm not really looking for you to tell me what to do here. I know this is my decision- I'm just working through it, I guess.
But the thing is, I have a shift on saturday, and theres some bs 'staff meeting' during it (and it's a good thing I'm aready scheduled, cause if I had to come in for that on my own time...), and the manager will be there, and I'm really thinking it's the best time to hand her my letter of resignation. I don't know why I have this feeling of 'now or never', but I do.
And I have no idea what to do. The fact that this job isn't a lot of effort is still true...but everyone else moves on, and I'm the only one who hasn't, and it's rediculous that I'm working at an internship that pays a third more than the manager makes at Vivah, and I'm still dealing with their crap.
And I know I'm rambling.
I've never left a job for a reason other than I was moving away for school. Except once, I left the ice cream place for Nordia. But that was a lot more money, and a permanent job, and a long time ago, when the only thing my money was going towards was candy and magazines.
Now I have bills and stuff.
Am I asking you for backbone? Is that what this email is about?
See, even I don't know.



Yeah, so that’s what I ranted to Lauren. And it’s true, about my ‘now or never’ feeling. I’m not sure where this idea came from, but I just know that if I’m not done with that place, officially, by Saturday, that I just won’t leave.

I want to leave, that much of my scattered thoughts have been nailed down. And I’m really not getting anything out of it anymore. And I’ve been there longer than anyone else, and my sales are good, but they neither notice, nor care.

My manager is nineteen, and was hired as a seller four months ago. And they made her a manager. I can't even ask for a reccomendation from that place because there's no one whose been there as long as I have, and no one I'd want one from anyways. Heck, I'm the oldest one there!

Mom says (truthfully and rightly) (is rightly a word?) that jobs like that are a dime a dozen. If I need another one later I can get one.

Hopefully I won’t have to. I love my publishing job, and want to stay in it (or at least have the option to) for the next thirty years.

But as for the jewelry store? Stick a fork in me, I’m done.

No guilt (gilt, gelt...)

Gosh, it's been an eternity since I've blogged, and I hate feeling guilty about something that I actually really like doing. On the other hand, I'm aware of the fact that last year I would be writing almost every other day, and that averything that happened would have me working out phrasing in my head, itching for my keyboard. I think it's similar to a diary or journal; I have several of those, and I make a point of never feeling guilty about not writing in them, because I figure you write, especially about your life, when you need to (or at least, I do). That doesn't mean that when I write it's always a bad time, it's just a time when there's a lot going on, either in the world or in my head, and I need to get stuff down. But it still bugs me that I'm not blogging as much as I did. And it's a waste of time to promise to try and do better. I'll write when I write, I guess.

Stuff has been happening, though.
My job is going very well. I'm still an intern, but they've increased me to full-time hours (have I mentioned this already?), and they seem to like me and really like my work. They let me write the back cover copy (that info about the book that's on the back? Yeah, that.) And I got to make some marketing materials that were professionally designed and sent out, too...it sounds lame because it is, but it's still neat for me to be doing this stuff. For me it is, anyway.

And home is good. My room is cleaner than it's been in a while (still trying to figure out how that happened), and Mom's happy (I made juice come out her nose the other day). My aunt had a scare recently, but it sounds like everything is going to be fine (knock on wood) (do only Christians do that?). And I have been writing (just not here) (chagrin). Lauren and I had wanted to take a writing class, but neither of us had the money, so we decided to be independent together. We're both writing (or making an effort to), and evaluating and editing each other's stuff (we've done this for each other off-and-on for years, so we're really comfortable discussing our stuff with each other). It's interesting what comes out of it (even if Laur's stuff far outdoes my own- I love editing anyways), and it's good to be... not forced, but pushed into writing something, especially at a time when the words aren't really flowing (nor the impetus to make them do so). She makes me write something, which is good.

Tonight was fun. Laur came over and them the brother and Shad (his roommate) showed up, and Mom made a chicken and we all had dinner. We played Scrabble, and there must be a blue moon out tonight or something because (Laur's going to kill me for writing this) the boys won. Wow, that hurt to admit. It was the first time Shad had ever played (ooh, beginner's luck, that must have been the strange power affecting our game!), and my brother's first time winning. Good for you, bro. And Kevin showed up in time for pie. It was fun, but I think I'm going to buy Cranium sometime this week, cause it'll be better to have more to choose from than just Scrabble, and besides, that's the best game there is anyways.

And it'll be good to set out to buy something and actually be able to. My aunt Mer send me this great magnet: "There is money. Spend it, spend it; spend more;" from Merry Wives of Windsor, and my message to her is this: I'm trying! In three weeks I've been through (through, not to) four malls, and I have yet to make a purchase. The options out there suck right now. All I'm saying is, things had better improve, and soon, or so help me... (shakes fist)...

And here I shall end my tirade of the inconsequential, for though there's more to say, this is neither the time, nor the place. I will be back; I always am, and if I see you to your face before my words are updated here again (that Wives quote hath affected me), then I'll have much to say. Goodnight!

A/N: I may have lost that Scrabble game, but I am not completely shamefaced. The words cited and jaded (not to mention finery)were mine, they just didn't get into very good scoring places. So there. Yeah, yeah, I made the word pie, too, but whose counting? Hun?

Cold roses

Life is fucking fantastic.
I got a great job. It's and internship, and it's paid, and after just UNDER a month working there, they're promoting me to full-time. Not permanent, still an intern. But a FULL TIME intern. Yeah, I rock, and soon I will rule.

And, I'm still bumming it at the jewelry store on evenings and weekends, which makes me a tired girl, but also, hopefully, a rich one. (Not gonna happen.)

I love the office. I have office clothes and office shoes, and office people. They could market little plastic dolls of me; 'Corporate Bethany', new version on shelves today!, which is a thought I haven't had since my firends took me skiing last year, and 'Ski Bunny Bethany' made her first appearance. And even if I feel a little like a tigre wearing stripes when I'm there, they seem to like my spotted tigre. Did I mention I was getting promoted?

And all around me, people are UP! The brother just got a raise (way to go, and tres impressive, little brother), Laurie's made the decision to Teacher's College in New Zealand, the heavy that Hugh was dealing with turned out a little more perfect than anyone could have predicted, and during a slew (sp?) of birthdays (Laur, me, Kev in less than a week), I've actually got the chance to SEE MY FRIENDS, in the SAME ROOM, at the SAME TIME.
It really, really sucks that at this point in my life, that line is actually worthy of capital letters.

"What did you get for your birthday?" I hear you ask.
Boots, a little over three months ago. And a LOT of food, and a gift certificate that I haven't spent yet, tyvm. I was terribly pleased, and bloated. Three gourmet dinners in the space of about five days, and you'd swear you'll never eat again (except there's always room for chocolate).

Anyways, I get to hear about my promotion on Monday, get to go shopping with Laurie (hopefully) tomorrow (and it won't be a bust, like the last time), and I'm writing again, and things are coming up roses. Cold roses- it's snowing again.

Checkin in

I got a job (watch me do a jig). No, actually, I celebrated my job the BEST way (note for readers: "BEST" is to be read dripping with sarcasm); I got a job the same day I got a cold. A really nasty cold. Trust me, the best way to prepare for your first career-type impressive office job does not involve cold meds and tons of tissue. Not to say that I didn't go out shopping for new clothes...three times...

So, that's my big news, and what has been taking up my time for the past while. I start tomorrow, which I'm bot excited and nervous about. I hate the fact that I have to wake up at 6am. I really, really resent mornings. But hopefully all will go well- I'll tell you all about it later.

Other than that, nothing huge has happened lately. I got together with Lauren a couple of times this week, which is always nice- she's talking about doing teacher's college again. There was a time that that was my plan, too- now I'm glad I didn't do it. I knew back then that it wasn't for me.

I voted! It's not something I've done for a long time- I always felt really sheltered while I was at University- it was such a bubble of a world- that I didn't feel confident in making that kind of decision. Now I do. Not that it helped much. Anyone know I nice, quiet country I can move to for a few years?

And at some point, I HAVE to get back to Hamilton. I was talking to Shesh the other day (friend from Mac and my old job), and she totally (justifiably) got on my case for not being around. I want to plan one good weekend, where I can go, see Shesh, see Mark, visit the toy store, spend all my money at the bead store (MAN, do I miss that place), and eat at Mai Thai. I've eaten Thai food in countless locations by now, and that place is still, hands down, the best. If you live in Hamilton, GO THERE, it's on John I think. You must have the Cashew Chicken. Bet you're hungry now, hun?

Okay, so this blog was a little more scattered than most, but at least I got some words in. I would like to take a brief opportunity to send out a 'Hey ya' to my aunt, who has made me jealous by discovering the ferret tree (watch the newest Harry Potter movie again, you'll see it).

Now, I have to get to bed- I have a big day tomorrow.

She's back!

I could go on for a line or two about what a bad, bad blogger I've been, but chances are that after a month and a week of pure silence from me, any readers I once had are long gone. Out of sight and out of mind, and I've been hiding for awile now. But see how I persevere? Forge on into the depths of cyberspace bloggerdom? Meh...back to my show.

Yeah, I have neither forgotten nor abandoned my blog, if that's what you're thinking. I just got through a busy (and lazy) period. Hopefully it's over.

So, what's new with me this past month? Well, the job hunt continues, with prey in sight- it just takes time to see if my shots have hit the mark. I've been volunteering (have I told you this?) at an old, illustrious independent press in the city, which is fantastic and I would happily stay there- if I ever got paid. Oh well- it's a great resource and stepping stone for me regardless. Plus, they give me free books, which totally rocks.

And I may have just been offered an internship at another independent press (never thought I was a magnet for the indie connection, but there that is), but more to come on that later; at this point, I haven't got the details myself.

The holidays are wonderful. Little brother is here and staying with us for a few days, which is always fun, and we've done the gift thing (mine were a hit- both what I gave an received). I gave the brother gloves (which he WEARS, tyvm), and Mom got a very cool painting we spotted while shopping, as well as Janis Joplin's 'Pearl' cd. She's such the hippie.

And I got an mp3 player! Yep, my life has sound. Actually, that thought occurred to me the other day. I was walking to work with my headphones in my ears (trying to remember not to sing sloud), and it occured to me that this was like my life's soundtrack, like on tv. Then I felt like people were watching me, and it freaked me out. I put the tunes away then. But I still love them!

And I got some other pretty cool stuff. I hope all you out there got what your hearts desired this year.

And...that's it. Family's good, friends are good (Lauren's leaving for some tropical destination this week, and it's going to be a cold, lonely New Year's without her), pets are good. I promise not to go away for this long again. Believe me. Please!

Book tangent

I know I've been a bad little blogger, and there's no excuse, especially for someone who's not only home, but planted in front of her computer this much. The truth is, life is a lot more full than one would expect without a full-time job.

In the past two weeks, I've been to the ROM with Mom and the brother, to the Royal Horse show, which was incredible, even though I was solo cause Mom had work take over her life, to the symphony, which was so much fun, cause Mom and Laur and Hugh were all there, and I love spending time with all of them, but I hadn't seen Hugh in forever, so that was great, plus I always love listening to live music with Hugh because it's so obvious how wrapped up he gets in it (Hugh's a violinist, and fiddler, and bassist, and pianist, and the list keeps going...).
(Apparently I'm a little stream-of-consciousnessey tonight, I'll try to curb the impulse, but once the comma jones gets it's claws into you, it's hard to shake loose the impulse.)

Laur took me to her boss' art show opening, which I enjoyed immensely. His art made me think of Edward Gorey, but more plastic; very bright, flat planes, with twisted content that was effectively tongue-in-cheek and didn't take itself too seriously-- definitely my cup of tea.

And I've seen Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire twice already, and won't be able to say that after friday (lol)! Honestly, this one is so freaking good...I'm not going to let myself get started, it'll never end, but just, go see it okay? For me? (With me?)

I know some people couldn't imagine (or bear) to see a movie more than once, or more than many times. Mom refuses to buy DVD's because she's so dead set against watching something more than once. She doesn't get how I do it. I have a tendency to read my favourite books (usually the not-so-literary ones) over and over, too. I'm also that way with music; listen to a good song, if it gets you groovin, then there's nothing wrong with listening to it again. And again. Okay, I do have a point here. What I'm driving towards, is that I'm wondering how, or why, or something...about how much comfort I get from these things. Okay, not the music so much. But the movies to a lesser extent, and the books, hugely. I LOVE rereading my old books. The first fantasy book I ever opened was called The Hunter's Moon, by O.R. Melling, which Mom bought for me for Christmas when I was nine or so, back when we still did Christmas, and it was in my stocking. I still have it. And I've read it more times than I can count (now I wish I'd had the foresight, at age nine, to make a mark in the cover each time I read a book). Seriously- I can recite the first chapter. And Dragon Bones, by Patricia Briggs, I bought her book...I think I was in highschool, but I'll sometimes pick that book up, like, three times a year. It's a thin little paperback, takes me two days to read, and I know every twist of plot and most of the best lines, but I keep coming back. I love it. I mean, I like the story and her characters and stuff, but it's not the book, really, it's what I get out of it, I guess, that I keep coming back for. Like I said, it surprises me how much comfort I get from these simple, familiar stories. When I was in class, be it Mac or publishing, and was really stimulated by what I was doing for so many hours every day, then it would never occur to me to pick up one of my old books. When I'm up with brainwork every day, those are the times when my 'book instinct' kicks in. This is another quirk, and I've mentioned it to Mom before. I have moments, where it's like my brain's on autopilot. I would be walking through the student centre at Mac, on my way to class or on my lunch break or something, and without making a conscious decision to do so, I'd deke into the bookstore, look blindly at a shelf and just grab, faze my way through the checkout, never with one clear thought in my head. Sometimes I'd be unpacking my schoolbag hours later when I got home, and would find shiny new paperbacks with receipts tucked in their covers, and have no recollection whatsoever of having bought them. It's not a bad thing, just odd.

But now I've tangented myself into left field.

It's when my life is not so stimulated (and I know I just talked all about going to the symphony and stuff, and yes, that was stimulating), that I feel the urge to crawl into my old familiar stories again. Maybe part of me is worried that periods like this (I wouldn't go so far as to call them ruts, just...moments of calm. In the boring sense.) will continue too long, and I'm, what, afraid of that? Worried? Numbed? Yeah, 'numbed' works (call me Largeman). So, what sense does it make that I would only read the stimulating, challenging, literary, autopilot-purchase books when I'm already stimulated? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Meh...I think this is a night of overanalysis, and without Lauren here I've talked myself into a corner. Besides, my book calls- and I know exactly what happens next.

Something Special

Know what I saw today? Snowflakes.
In their honour, have a story:

He was born in the south, and not very long ago. Fair-haired and golden-skinned, he was a child who shone in the sunlight. He was bright and full of laughter and energy, and could never be persuaded to sleep until after sunset, though his parents knew if they waited until then, he would be good, and even easy to lull to sleep.
He loved to be outdoors. Rainy days always left him less enthused, quiet and lethargic. On one sunny day he was playing in the backyard, swinging on the jungle gym and rolling around with a stuffed puppy named Bruce. He stopped rolling, sitting on the warm grass, squinting at the bright sky. His mother asked him what he was thinking. “I have a secret,” he told her, but would say no more. She fed him hot dog pieces with ketchup, and he went back to his playing.
That night, while being tucked into bed, the boy whispered to his mother that he wanted to tell her his secret. “What is it?” she asked, and he told her, “The sun shines just for me.” The mother smiled at her son, enjoying his odd comment. She kissed him goodnight, and he fell asleep quickly.
She didn’t forget what her son had told her, though it was only a passing comment that he never repeated.

That winter the family went on a trip to Canada, where the father had a business conference and thought his son would like to see snow for the first time. There was no snow when they arrived, though, just many clouds and cold wind.
It was the last day of their visit and the mother and son were walking along the sidewalk, hand in hand. They passed a young woman walking in the opposite direction, and as she passed by, the boy looked at her, and she smiled back at him.
She was older, but not so old that she’d lost that magic that belongs to the young. She was more quiet than exuberant, she smiled much but seldom laughed, her hair was dark but her eyes were bright. She liked the summer and reveled in the colours of autumn, but she waited all year for the winter. Since she was young, she’d always been able to smell the snow that was ready to fall.
She stopped walking when she saw the boy looking at her. She leant down, level with him, as he approached, his mother watching pensively from behind. “I have a secret,” the boy told her, just as he’d told his mother so many months before.
“I know your secret,” the girl quietly smiled as she said it. His mother’s brows dipped in curious confusion- what was this stranger going to say to her son?
“The sun shines just for you, doesn’t it?” the woman whispered. Before the mother could register her shock, the stranger continued, “Do you know my secret?”
The little boy smiled and looked up at the slatey clouds overhead. “It snows just for you.”
And as the first flakes the boy had ever seen started to float down over the city, the stranger-who was not at all strange to the boy, nor he to her- smiled back, and nodded her head.

Lemony Snicker (the pie is laughing at me)

Today is my brother's birthday, so Happy Birthday Brother. In honour of this momentous day, I was going to blog my mom's recipe and secret tips on how to make his favourite, Lemon Meringue Pie. Alas, this is not to be, cause apparently even with the recipe and secret tips, I cannot make Lemon Meringue Pie.
Lemon Meringue Soup I'm great at.

I refuse to accept defeat. There will be pie...someday.

I am a human firework.

Oh. My. God.
Oh my God.
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.

I got a call.
It was for an interview.
For me.
At MCGRAW HILL RYERSON PUBLISHING.
To be a SUPERVISING EDITOR.
E-D-I-T-O-R.

Oh my god.

Infinitely Simple

Today I graduated for the last time. It was a good day, one of those days that you expect in advance to be momentous, then get to the moment and think 'this is stupid', and then experience and realize that it's just a day. I don't mean that in a depressed way or anything. It's just that sometimes life gives you these moments when you're totally aware of being alive, and it's not biblical or earth-shattering, and it's not pointless biology or tiny-specs-in-space insignificance, it's just you, and the people around you, experiencing stuff, and making thoughts and decisions and other stuff out of it. And I like that. There is no quest for the meaning of life, but it's not just empty, either. On days like this everything is just infinitely simple.
It was cold and rainy all day. I wore my new blue shoes which got compliments and wet. The ceremony at Humber was uncomplicated, and the comedy class graduating with ours was funny, and I hate pantyhose. Some college guy I never saw before made an awful speech, and they handed me a certificate, and I was happy and had a headache.
The brother was there, and that made me pretty happy, too.
It was good to see my classmates again, and we all planned to get together and keep in touch, then Mom and the bro and I drove around for an hour before heading home and eating pizza and boston cream cake.
Tonight we went to see a Qubecois film called C.R.A.Z.Y., which is worth seeing, if you can deal with subtitles. I liked it, and was proud that I got the title before the end of the film. It had a cute actor and really good music.
Now I'm home and really tired, and I think I'll go to sleep. It really was a good day.

Bethany's Praline Apple Bread

Well, it's autumn, and gorgeous, and apples are in season. I made this for my family last week, and it was a hit, so I'm passing it on. Try it out, trust me.

Bethany’s Apple Praline Bread

1 cup sugar
8 oz carton of sour cream
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla
2 cups flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt

1 1/4 cups chopped, peeled tart apples
1 cup chopped pecans (optional)

1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup brown sugar

Beat together white sugar, sour cream, eggs, and vanilla on low speed, then beat on medium speed for 2 minutes. Stir together the dry ingredients and add sour cream mix, beating on low until combined. Stir in apple and ½ cup pecans.

Turn into greased 9 x 5 x 3 inch loaf pan. Sprinkle with remaining chopped pecans. Press lightly into batter.

Bake at 350 degrees for 55 to 60 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in centre comes out clean. (Don't skip this step- mine regualrly takes over an hour to cook). If necessary, cover loosely with foil for the last ten minutes to prevent over-browning. Cool in pan on wire rack for 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, in a small saucepan, combine butter and brown sugar and cook and stir until mixture comes to a boil. Reduce heat and boil gently for 1 minute. Remove bread from pan, drizzle top with brown sugar mixture. Cool completely. Makes 1 loaf.

Some brief notes:
Feel free to add more apples than this calls for (I do).
Walnuts taste just as good as pecans.
Make sure the brown sugar is dissolved in the butter at the end, but don't burn it.
And something I discovered while making this again tonight: Do not touch the spoon you use to stir the boiling butter and sugar mixture. When this burns you, run cold water over said finger. While cold water is running, DO NOT assume spoon is now cool enough and attempt to LICK yummy sugar off it. Ow.

Happy happy thanksgiving

This is a wonderful day.
I went to Yonge and Eglinton to meet a friend, and the TTC was almost empty because of the holiday. It was almost...peaceful.
I met Lisa, and we went to the bookstore, had lunch, talked about publishing and school and things...
We went to see a movie (Serenity), which was very, very good, but don't go see it, because space cowboys takes a certain palate, and most don't have it. But it's a Joss Weedon film, which is awesome, I love his stuff, and it's about time someone gave him the funding to do it! (Or maybe he just saved up all his pennies from Buffy, who knows). Either way, I liked it.
But the best part was the Harry Potter trailer that came on before the flick. I stopped breathing for a minute. Lisa said she almost peed her pants. I swear, I'd pay just to see the trailer again! I can't wait till November 18th.
And seeing an old friend is always good, and it's finally really, really autumn here, which I love, and there's leaf colours and new sweaters and cold snaps in the air which is wonderful.
I took the subway home, and the city is running this "Live with Culture" ad campaign, and I love good ad campaigns, and Eglinton station is covered in these posters of art, and one series is a bunch of dancers by Cylla von Tiedemann which is utterly fantastic (seriously- go see Eglinton station). I was walking along, swingin my purse and looking at these fabulous contemporary dance stills, and this guy passes by me in baggy clothes with his hood up and dirty nails (the type of guy who you usually try not to look at), and as he passed he muttered, "Living is life, and life is worth living." He made me smile.
I skipped most of the way home, and there were happy people, and fathers running with their kids, and I love being in a good mood.
But there were supposed to be people here when I got home. Mom and the brother and the Egg, and (and I don't want to sound selfish or demanding here, but) dinner on the stove! Okay, so it's thanksgiving and we're cheating and having chicken, but still...
Where is everybody?!

Sneaky ads

Minor housekeeping. I'm fed up with these stupid auto-comment ads that are showing up here, so I've turned on word verification for comments. This means that when you want to comment (and please don't let this discourage you- I love comments), a window with letters and numbers (odd-looking ones) will appear, and you'll be asked to type in what you see. Go with it, the function won't bite. But please tell me if this causes you grief (you can email me if you can't comment).
Hopefully this will keep me from pulling more of my hair out!

Happy New Year!

Wow, I don't know why I keep putting off blogging for so long, cause things just keep piling up for me to write about, and I end up with these silly catch-up monster blogs. Well, here's another.

First, some general greetings. Happy New Year all those that apply, I wish you a healthy and productive 5756! (Let's party like it's 5699) (That was very lame)
And Happy Birthday Aunt Mer! Hope England's treating you right.
And one bit of housekeeping. My last blog, focussed on placating my mother, seems to have come out much more squicky than I intended it to. She read it and said 'it brought a tear to my eye'...I had to control the impluse to rush to the computer and delete said blog immediately. If you know me, you know how much I detest being wiggly. I wasn't being wiggly. There was no intended gooiness, I was stating facts. Learn it well, people, there ain't no jello here!

And now, on with the show.
For a girl who's unemployed, I'm deceptively busy. Sunday Mom and the brother and I went for a hike. A really, really long hike. It probably wouldn't have been so much except that no member of my family should be relied upon to:
1)know a direction...ever
2)be able to find a path
3)be willing to follow rules of most kinds.
The result? We spent two hours tromping through cross-country, totally uncharted territory (that led to someone's backyard, given, but I prefer to imagine us as true explorers). Apparently, I'm still the adventurous one in my family (who'da thunk it?). The brother and I scrambled up some rocks, and the entire time he muttered repeatedly in my ear 'Is this a good idea? This is not a good idea.' And when we went off-trail, Mom kept insisting we go back to find the path! Bah!
Anyways, it was gorgeous, even though it was too warm for fall (I love fall, and Mom's going to kick my ass for insisting, again, that it's time for the warm weather to vamoose.) (Yeah, that's right, I said 'vamoose', you wanna make something of it?)

Monday was dinner at my great aunt's house, which was very tasty. It's always good to see family, and I got to talk shop with my uncle (technically cousin) who teaches me all sorts of stuff about arts and craft. I've been carving this block of soapstone he gave me, and he promised to score me some super-fine drill bits so I can make what I'm carving suitable for my beadwork. I can't believe I'm actually reaching a point where having a room in my future house be a 'studio' would amount to more than just an empty desk with a selection of never-used pencils. I'm psyched about those drill bits!
(I KNOW I'm a geek, stop telling me old information.)

And then there's work, where we're training our new manager (yeah, that's right. I'm training my boss. What kind of messed-up system is that?) She's not bad, but there are always a few bugs to work out. I only worked a couple of shifts this week, but sales are good again, and I'm left with more time for job hunting, which goes on...and on...

And I think my social life is making up for lost time, or something. I go to Lauren's tomorrow, it's the holiday over the weekend (enjoy that turkey, folks), Monday I'm meeting an old Mac friend for a movie, tuesday and wednesday I work, thursday I was invited to lunch but that's Yom Kippur, so I'd suck as a luch date (no it's not a 'date'), which makes a week from tomorrow my first available day. Not to mention that a friend from pub. class has been trying to arrange a night for us to get together for dinner for, like, three weeks (which is reaching a state of rediculousness, this oughtn't be so hard). This is very odd for me.

Oh! And Mom and Aunt Laura (who's another not-my-aunt-Aunt, but who is also not a cousin) and I went out for Japanese and I totally ate sushi! It had no fish in it, but it was...well, not 'great', but edible, and certainly not bad. I figure if someone I need to impress wants to take me out for sushi ever, it's just easiest for me to become temporarily vegan. Chickens grow on trees, right?

Oh, and Mom and I ate Swiss Chard tonight. Kale was better.

And now it's late and I can't think of anything else, so I'll say goodnight folks.
Goodnight, floks.

Teasing my mother

Okay, so I don't get how or why people buy jewelry. Last week, the store loved me. I swear, I was so on, I could have sold a thumb ring to a duck. This week (and I haven't changed anything about my selling style), I can't give this stuff away if it were sugar-coated. It's as if, last week, the collective unconsciousness was in a spending mood, and this week, the world is being frugal. I guess I'm just baffled by the trends.
Our manager, Melissa, was sick all last week, so I all but took over the store, working every day. It wasn't too hard to do, which I'm hoping lends credence to my idea of owning a bookstore someday. I could totally do that.

Nothing new to report on the job hunt. I didn't get much done last week cause I was stuck in the mall so much, but yesterday was good, productive, and I have a plan for today too. It's just hard to do, draining, and it's times like this when socialist communism starts to sounds appealing.

My socail life is starting to have a little 'life' again, though. Last weekend I got together with Laur, Kev, Mark, and Kristen. Kristen is Lauren's sister, and it was the first time I'd seen her and Mark together. He seemed really happy. Kev was sick but it was good to see him too- it sucks that we're all so spread out. It's been much too long since Laurie and I have spent any decent time together, and I think my wit and personality are suffering from the lack.
The five of us went to Playdium, which is a big dark room filled with video games (the kind you put quarters in, except they use cards). I suck at driving games, but I'm pretty good at shooting things. No real surprise!
This weekend I went with Laur and Kev to see Kev's place in Shelburne for the first time. Shelburne is...quiet. It was relaxing, but I get why Kevin spends so much time gaming. (Sorry, Laur.)
Also, Laur and I have been invited to dinner with David (a friend of mine from publishing class) and his girlfriend- it'll be fun if we can ever find a day when we're all free! I'm looking forward to it despite avoiding David's email because of the very very overdue article I still owe him for his website. I'm still working on it, I swear!
And I've (strangely) been invited to the Mac Humanities formal, which is on a boat in Toronto this year. It's probably too much money right now, plus there's my lack of a good accessory for my arm (which usually doesn't bother me, but it would help with my excuse for being there). Not to mention the fact that I no longer have a vaid connection to either McMaster or Humanities, and I'm left with very few good reasons to go. It would be nice to see Shesh and Lunchbox and Kat and all the rest again, though. But I really don't want to be one of those much-older-than-everybody losers who still hang around despite having graduated years before a la Dazed and Confused.

Then there's Rosh Hashonna next week, where it'll be good to see family, and I can wear my new skirt that hasn't gotten much play since I bought it. And I'll bake- I've got the best recipe for apple bread- I'll blog it later. I'd bake today (it's a good day for it) except Mom made chocolate banana bread the other day, and I have to wait until that's gone. (Which I kind of hope is soon.) (Sorry, Mom.)

I shouldn't have said that. I recently got reamed out by her for...well, I think the gist of her opinion is that I selectively blog things about her that, when read together, make her seem foolish. Which I totally take issue with. It was she who didn't want me to write about her life, so I keep my comments about my mother light, and it's not my fault that she's really funny sometimes. I don't blog untruths. And I don't really get how being over dramatic about kale vilifies my mother.
But, in an effort at peace offering, here;
My mother is clever. She's taught me more than any other person, ever. She's much cooler than a lot of other moms out there, probably most. She's one of my best friends, as well as being my Mom. I wish to hell I could have known her in the sixties and seventies, the wildchild. She's got more balls than most, and even though she's hilarious sometimes, she's never really foolish, and almost never foppish. (Mom, if you wanted to never have been foppish, than the rendition of 'We are family' should never have been 'jived' in the car. No, you will never live that down.)
But no matter what, she's still funny. Okay, so she doesn't even get some of her own hilarity (re: the coversation in Chapters), Oops, I didn't tell you about that, here it is:

I found her in the cookbook section, flipping through vegetarian recipies, looking for a mushroom stew recipe she 'remembered reading once'. No, she didn't know which book it was in. No, searching on the internet would not be easier, quicker, and more smart, stop teasing your mother.
Mom: (reading out recipe titles) "Autumn vegetable stew, served in a pumpkin"
B: (dubious) In a pumpkin?
Mom: Yeah, vegetarians do that. They like to serve things in other things, cause they think that makes them taste better.

I lost it at that. She doesn't get what was funny.

Oh, and I would like to make it clear that neither my mother nor I are in any way against vegetarians, or against 'putting stuff in other stuff'. Really. I had an uncle who was a vegetarian, for a while. Long story.

Anyways, I guess all I really wanted to cover here was that, she's not just a clown running around in my life, if that is the way that she has been (inadvertantly) portrayed in my writings. She's cool. Really.

Maybe now she won't be afraid to share the address with Jerry. ;)

Help meeeeeeee!

The horror. The horror.
Mom went shopping...for dinner...and brought back...kale.
*shudder*
And that's not the end of it.
She's threatened...she's promised...after this, we're moving on to Swiss chard.
She's evil, man. Pure evil.

Meet Burning House

Look, I got pictures! And I'd like to introduce you to my group from the final project of my Humber class: Tracey, Fiona, Morgen, Allen, Chris and I.

A boring week

Well, I've been out of school just over a week, and things are still going okay. My resume has been overhauled (or more accurately, demolished and re-built from scratch, stronger and better- I have the technology), I've actually applied for something (kind of a feat for me. For some reason, I always hit a speedbump at this point), and even though I have neither interview or job on the horizon yet, I HAVE spent money I shouldn't be spending on outfits for them! Yeah, this past week has been a bit of a shopping spree (two skirts- and I barely ever wear skirts- some kick-ass shoes, a suit jacket, a poncho-ey thing that I had to fight my mom for, a new purse...this list goes on).
Friday was a party at Laur's new place- to warm it up- which was a fair success. I love Laurie's friends, they're hilarious, and I wish I could have stayed longer, but circumstances conspired against me. On the other hand, my driving record is getter better in leaps and bounds (I had the car that night, and my newest vendetta is a war against my mother's opinion on my driving skills. She thinks I suck, which I do not. My record is CLEAN, baby.) So yeah, I left the party early, but then I went driving downtown Toronto on a friday night, and took the HIGHWAY home. Who can't drive now, hun?
Other than that, life is boring. My room is clean, my sales at the jewelry store rock, and I have to make a foray soon back to the Ham, cause my bead supply has holes in it. (Heh, heh, I just realized what a very, very lame joke that was).
There wasn't much to say in here, but I'm making an effort to blog more. I hope your lives are more interresting, but only in the good way.

Goodbye Humber, how I will miss thee...

Wow, so it's been, like, half a month since I last blogged and there's a lot to catch up on. I know that I haven't been the most reliable updater this summer, but that should soon change, seeing as how today is my second-last day of school. This news is kind of mixed good and bad, since I'll be blogging more thanks to free time (yay), but have free time thanks to no job waiting for me (boo). I shouldn't say that- there is a job waiting for me...I just have to find it. The prospect of doing so, however, is...terrifying is the word.
I keep waffling between this surreal sense of over confidence ("I just finished the best course out there, I have so many contacts, I did so well, blah blah my greatness blah...") and nail-biting paralysis fear ("Oh god it's so hard to find something and my resume isn't done and I suck at interviews and why would they ever even consider me for this they won't even look at me they'll see my cover letter and probably laugh, I suck suck suck...")
Thankfully these seem to balance each other out, so far, so I have not yet talked myself into a pile o' goo. The goo does loom, however. It's a thin line I walk.
I'm also aware that I'm one of about twenty people in my class feeling this way. Wow, how we all fit in one room together, I don't know.
But that's what's happening now, and you all have about a month in the Life of Bethany to catch up on. Ready? Go.

The final month of my program was us creating our own (fake) companies. By the end of the month, we were exhausted, the companies were way more real in our minds than we ever anticipated them becoming, and we were proud. My group, whom I love with all my heart, named our company Burning House, and we publish non fiction, socially relevant, controversial titles (both illustrated and not).
The final presentation, which included a panel of very distinguished judges bent on chossing a winner, picked...us! I'm still in shock.

Following that, there was about a year and a day of sleeping, one helluva party (monday), lots of picture-taking and even a cake with a story.
(You want the cake story? Fine. There was a long, drawn-out discussion over things to have written upon our cake. We didn't want it to say 'goodbye', and felt that 'good luck' was just as bad. 'Revolutionize the Industry' was suggested, but I think there was resistance about taking orders from baked goods, plus, we'd need a bigger cake for that. In the end, no decision had been made, as the only thing we could agree on was that we'd all be happy to eat it. With that in mind, my classmates got to the store and asked to have the cake read 'Yeah, cake!' Simple enough, right? Apparently, no. The lady writing down their order wrote 'Yay cake', and in a room full of now-editors, this was not good. But hey, it's only icing, right? When they picked up said cake, and opened the box, we ended up with a blue cake that said 'Yay'. Not even an exclamation point. It was the sardonic, final-day-of-publishing class, blue cake. It was tasty.)

...And that was the end of my class (yeah, I took two days to write this post). I got home, changed, and went to help Lauren move (goodbye ghetto, hello...well, I think it feels English there, mostly because of the roundabout att he end of her street, but I think Laur thinks I'm nuts). Then we drove for ever and ever looking for food. We found it, in the end, but it was a near miss.

Anyways, I have to go now- work to be done. Oh wait...no there isn't. But my room's a friggin mess.

My brain hurts

Hello all,
I'm at school right now, and ought to be working, though I'm finding that it's basically a useless attempt right now. Ironic, since the project I'm working on is titled "Useless Design", heh heh.
This month is completely devoted to one big project, where we divide into groups, create a company, a list of books, and all the financials, and then pitch it all to a panel at the end of the month.
I love my group. I really like our books. I'm having fun. But I'm also so freaking tired. Being creative all day is like cross-country skiing or something.
But now I gotta go- there's a grindstone waiting for my nose.

The Best Bad Movies

Sometimes it’s the worst flicks that seem to speak to you. Not in those powerful, undeniable messages that you get from the very good films, not in the too-loud voices you get from the too-good films, and certainly not in the screeches that blast most commonly out of cinema doors. No, sometimes it’s the ones that are just bad- the teen flick that uses shampoo as a metaphor, the chick flick that was written entirely in clichés- that seem to get you. You can’t understand why you like them. Why is it that you seem to find it okay to watch them over and over again? You know that they aren’t good. You know that they are badly written, filled with heavy-handed symbolism, and that parts are so abashedly cheesy they make you cringe. But you always go back for more. The next day when it’s a rerun. The next month, when you spy it at the video store. The next year, when your best friend asks ‘what do you want to do tonight?’, and you know that, once again, it’s time. There must be something valid in them. Buried under the scrap, there must be something worthwile that pulls you back. The idea. The image. The concept. I like to think that, whatever it is, it's there, and instead of it being the driving force it was supposed to be, the message is hidden. It's been buried, often under a lot of crap, but it's there, and you go back to it over again. There are reasons to love those bad movies. It makes them valid. It makes us valid for watching them.
Do you know what I’m talking about, or am I totally out in left field? I’ll admit, I’m writing this in the afterglow of one such great bad movie.
Do you have one (or a few?) What are they?

Pottermania

I love Pottermania.
In the US, more than 6.9 million copies were sold in the first 24 hours of the book's release. In Canada, somewhere in the vicinity of 700,000. At one release party in Britain, over 800 copies were sold in about 40 minutes- that's 20 copies a minute, and three copies every second.
And who's reading? Click the link!

Running to catch up

First, no- I haven't died. I'm just very, very busy.
I know what you're thinking, and no, I wasn't forgetting about, or not intending to blog about my family reunion. I just got a little out of order, that's all.

First of all, the big news this year belonged to my cousin. A huge kudos to him for having the guts to walk into a room full of family and say “you all remember my wife, don't you?” (It should be pointed out that he got himself hitched about three weeks prior to then, under a veritable veil of secrecy.) I could NEVER have done that, but it was obviously what they both wanted, and they're both really happy with the way they did things, and so, props and congratulations to them for doing what made them happy. More people should do the same!
The rest of the weekend was pleasant and restful- there was shopping for art glass for one aunt, talking books with another. Mom even managed to stop being so manic…a little…near the end…(no, really, she had a good time). And there was plenty of food!

Honestly, though, my aunt looking for art glass ought to have stayed an extra week- the following weekend, I spent all of Sunday with Laur, walking around downtown Toronto (so much sun- such a good tan!) and there were two street festivals, one of which was an amazing art exhibition. They had great glass!
We went out for lunch at a fantastic place called 'Everest', on Queen street, that had food from all around Mount Everest. They had a clever 'Free Tibet' platter- Tibetan dumplings surrounded by Chinese Chow Mein. It was witty but I didn't order it, so I don't know if it's tasty- we'll have to go back.
Then we went bead shopping, had dinner, and went to see Batman Begins, which was not a total waste of time, but would have been if I hadn't been a comic book kid once-upon-a-time. At least it was dark and air conditioned. It was a good day!

That week following (wow, this is like, a month I'm catching you guys up on- sorry!), my class had a surprise guest speaker, and it was His Excellency Sir John Ralston Saul! (Famous Canadian, five-time author of international acclaim, political commenter and modern-day philosopher, and husband to Canada's Governor General.) He came to talk with us, which was pretty cool- he had a guard and everything- and then (after getting into a fight with one of my classmates in the washroom), called Cynthia (head of my program) to tell her that he was very impressed with us (and there might be a job with him for one of us)! I'm stoked. I just have to do some reading, and brush up on my French…

La visite de Moniseur Saul etait une evenement que je n'oublierais pas beintot. Il faut que je donne mes mercies a Cynthia pour cette cadeau!

Wow, yeah, my French sucks.

And then one of my classmates got hit by a bus. Okay, so I'm being dramatic. Morgen had bike accident that landed her in the hospital, but she's okay now (she actually typing beside me). I went to see her in the hospital. I'm glad she's better.

Work is the same as always. I got a bad evaluation that said I wasn't selling enough, and then, two days later, I made the top five sellers list in the GTA. It was satisfying at the time, but I'm getting sick of both the mall and the corporate stuff that goes with this job. Good thing I interviewed at a bookstore last week. It might be awhile before I start, but I can wait if I have that to look forward to!

Friday rocked. Mark and Kev came up for a visit (we've barely seen them all summer!), and we went to a K-Os concert (think folk rap, with morals. Good guy.), which was a great show! Immediately after which my friends dropped me at a bookstore, where I was in time to get in line for the midnight release of HARRY POTTER! I am overjoyed at the arrival of this book. I have read it twice, but have yet to finish formulating my opinion. As I told Laur last night, I'm still in 'process' mode. It was very…there was just so MUCH!
Mom wrestled it away from me his morning, but I'm getting it back (and reading it again) once she's done. Thankfully, soon I'll have more people to discuss it with.

And the blog just keeps going!

Last night I got a book in the mail from my aunt. Thank you aunt! (Yeah, I'm gonna write a better thanks soon, and a whole lot more privately than this). Its such a pretty book! I need some more time to look it over before I bring it to class and let these guys paw all over it (ha ha) though…working so much this week!

Also went to a friends' gig this week. Chris, a classmate of mine, is in a band called the Salingers, and I really like their music. I'm gonna have to go to more of their shows. Maybe I'll be a groupie…

Anyways, we've come to the (disjointed) end. I apologize profusely for my recent not-here-ness. I'll do better. At least we have something to look forward to- I'm (hoping to) go to Cedar Point next weekend. Hooray for roller coasters…

Stolen Survey

TWELVE MOVIES (in no order):
12. Garden State
11. Hackers
10. Billy Elliott
09. Empire of the Sun
08. Harry Potter
07. Romeo & Juliet
06. Run Lola Run
05. Down to You
04. Amelie
03. Empire Records
02. American Beauty
01. The Royal Tenenbaums

ELEVEN GOOD BANDS/ARTISTS:
11. Coldplay
10. Anyone from the Garden State Soundtrack
09. The Clash
08. U2
07. Collective Soul
06. Moby
05. Prodigy (props to the past)
04. Our Lady Peace
03. Dido
02. T-Rex
01. Iron & Wine

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOU:
10. I have a dark sense of humour, and think a lot of disturbing stuff is funny.
09. I love just about all pets, but want a cat.
08. I consider changing my name on a regular basis.
07. I want to live in England.
06. My favourite colour is green.
05. I love my bad choices.
04. I love noticing things that others don't.
03. I can spend an entire day in bed with a book, not moving.
02. It bugs me if the volume on the tv (or similar thing) does not end in 5 or 0.
01. I'm odd, and I like it.

NINE BOOKS:
09. Harry Potter- JK Rowling
08. Motherless Brooklyn- Jonathan Lethem
07. The Time Traveler's Wife- Audrey Niffenegger
06. Jabberwocky- Lewis Carroll
05. Dragon's Blood- Patricia Briggs
04. The Gashleycrumb Tinies- Edward Gorey
03. A Complicated Kindness- Miriam Towes
02. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy- Douglas Adams
01. Good Omens- Terry pratchett and Neil Gaiman

EIGHT FAVOURITE FOODS/DRINKS:
08. Thai food
07. Apples
06. Mom's brisket
05. Mocha mocha frappaccinos from William's
04. Baguettes
03. Juice boxes
02. Balsamic dressing
01. Chocolate

SEVEN THINGS YOU WEAR DAILY:
07. Several rings
06. Bra
05. Deodorant
04. Underwear
03. Four earrings
02. Shirt
01. Cucumber Melon body lotion

SIX THINGS THAT YOU HATE:
06. Closed-mindedness
05. Sticking my foot in my mouth (and I do it often)
04. Drivers who don't make way for emergency vehicles
03. Judgement
02. Condensation on cold drinks
01. Intolerance

FIVE THINGS YOU DO DAILY:
05. Brush my hair
04. Read
03. Wash
02. Go on the internet
01. Feel guilty or worried about something

FOUR SHOWS YOU WATCH:
04. Gilmour Girls
03. CSI
02. Scrubs- at Laur and Hugh's
01. Six Feet Under

THREE PLACES YOU'VE LIVED:
03. Sarnia
02. Hamilton
01. Toronto - dear god, I need to improve that list before I die.

TWO THINGS YOU WANT:
02. Enough money to live a reasonable life (I'm willing to work for that- I'm not looking for it to fall from the sky)
01. More time

Summer storm strike

Today is one of those days when the air is thick with moisture, and the world is so humid it seems like the sky is pressing down on you. The sun is strong but looks watery, and also seems to be doing it’s best to lay itself directly on your shoulders.
When the afternoon is getting tired, the sky, in that strange way it has in summer, gets bluer and greyer by degrees, storm clouds gathering disguised as clear air, so the sky itself seems to be thickening.
Then comes that stretched-out moment, when the world gets still, when the wind dies down and even the plants seem to hold them selves stiff and ready, until the tension breaks, and the first, fat drops hurtle down.
Traveling along, the air gets thick with that smell particular to mid-summer; that sharp, hot smell of overheated asphalt sizzling in the rain. Then the rain pounds down into soft skin still warm from summer sun, instantly passing through layers of cloth, and clothes get heavy and clingy and seem so much a bother.
Ears ring from almost constant thunder, and laughter bubbles up in response, growling playfully back at the sky, trying to out-do each other.
Standing on the balcony above, looking down, goosebumps from unseen breaths of air ghosting across wet skin. There is so much rain beating the world that the air itself is dark with it, the treetops whipping through the wind like seaweed through rough waters.
Lightning strike, sudden and violent, breaks through the wind and rain and thick air of summer, hisses with power, heat and burning light like screaming, like rage, like prayer, pulses down, a fist pounding the earth, and the tree across the way shudders in its own weakness and succumbs, splitting jarringly, falls as though floating, struck and spent, to earth.

A long day

Hi all.
My class is spending the whole day in computers, so this might just turn itself into a monster blog.
Class is good, great, very challenging, and backbreaking in turns. This past month has been just as intense as the last one, and the upcoming week is going to be very busy. I think a lot of stress, frustration, and lack of sleep kind of came to a head yesterday. Basically, as much as we've been learning, and as great as it has been, a lot of us are still worrying about marks and working really hard on our assignments (a little too hard, we've been told, but it's hard to break the habit), and trying to juggle our time and our nerves is...hard. Yesterday a lot of people were feeling very frustrated and stressed, and I guess we kind of lost it a little.
Cynthia came in and we were talking about assignments and tests and things, and there was a lot of discussion about what we as the students need and what the teachers are doing and saying. Cynthia is really good at calming people down, and she's fantastic at explaining things, which I think helps a lot. The talk yesterday helped, but I think we maybe need more of those talks. I might suggest it to Cynthia, for the next class.
Part of what's taking up our time these days is extra stuff outside of class. Tonight is a wine and cheese for the Children's Writer's Class that we're invited to, and I want to go, but there is SO MUCH WORK to get home to (besides, I promised Mom I'd be home for dinner- she's making fish).
But you get the gist, with the busy and the crazy making.
There is one thing taking up my time this weekend that I'm so happy for, though. In I'm Telling You for the Last Time Jerry Seinfeld talks about hearing of Hallowe'en when he was a child;

"What? Someone's giving out candy, who is giving out candy?...EVERYONE WE KNOW is giving out candy?! Wah-I- I have got to be a part of this, I'll do anything they want- ...I can wear that!"

Now. Replace the word "candy" with "books", and you've got my EXACT attitude about the Canadian Book Expo, this sunday, to which I am most definitely going! (No, I don't have to dress up in costume, but if they wanted my left arm in payment, they could have it. (I need the right one- it's the one that writes and turns the pages).
I'm sure I'll have gushes to say about it after sunday.

Okay, and here's a little thing that will make you go "What?! Why in hell is this the first time I'm hearing about this?"
So, what happened? Well, I was at work last week, and there was about a half hour left until closing, and Melissa and I were getting antsy to go home, despite our low sales. So, when we got a 'high roller' in, who wanted to spend a pile, we were kind of stoked that our sales would go up. But these two guys came in, and they were all not-nice (to say the least), and they we're getting a very large pile together. The one guy kept wanting suggestions from me, saying "What do girls like, what do you like?" Everything I handed him just went in the pile- he didn't care what he was buying.
That was when Melissa and I started to get nervous. Those guys weren't acting right.
As soon as they were done, Melissa rang everything up, and it took her forever- they had over $1500 of stuff. When she told them their total, the guy pulled out a bunch of very obviously fake cards. She hesitated to take them, and the guy started muttering threats, so only we could hear. We were afraid, and there was no way to call security (there's no place hidden from view where I work, and no emergency button like there should be), so she ran the cards through. They were all accepted. Just before the guys took off, the one grabbed a handful of stuff from the bag and set it back on the desk, and said "Here, these are yours." so, what, we were getting paid off? Fat freaking chance! We locked the stuff in a drawer, closed ten minutes early, and ran home!
The next morning we'd calmed down and called head office and the police. Everyone said it wasn't our fault, and our jobs are safe and there's nothing for us to worry about. We still feel bad about it, but what can you do?
The only question is, what happens to the stuff they left behind? We're waiting for a decision from head office. I should find out saturday- I'll keep you all updated.
Meanwhile, I'm not as upset as I was. When it happened, I was like, "I don't like the big city anymore! I'm moving back to Sarnia!" Now...well, trust me, Sarnia is no an option. But I hate working in a freaking MALL! I'm fully looking forward to burying myself in the nice, safe world of publishing.

Oh! And I've recently confirmed that there is no more training or certification needed for publishing in other countries. When I finish this course I can get a job in Canada...or Britain, the States, Australia...ANYWHERE! Bah ha ha! World, you are my playground.

Yeah, this blog was a little random.

One thing I love

So, Laur's at my place and we're putting a frozen pizza in the oven, then going to turn on a movie. Mom's oven has no timer. Worried that we'll burn the place down, or at least be eating char for dinner, Laur asks how we'll remember that something's in the oven.
"I'll get Phil to let us know," I say, distracted with the putting of the pizza on the hot rack.
Laur is slient for a moment, then,
"How will a plant let us know when our pizza is ready?"


...


So, what do I love?
I love that my best friend not only knows that I have names for both my plant and the microwave, but that she knows which one is which.

Revel in Gore

"The world is full of beautiful stories...you're not going to hear any of those tonight."
So began the fabulously disgusting reading I went to last night, featuring CHUCK PALAHNIUK! I can't believe that fate had him in Toronto and doing that same reading about which I've been reading just a few days after I discovered it. Destiny looks after me again! (And, I love living in the big city.)
Let me start by saying that no one fainted. Apparently, Torontonians are a tough bunch. But residents of Calgary aren't- his publicist told the crowd during his intro that they'd lost no less than five people at the last reading. I'm vaguely disappointed that no one went down, especially since the author was obviously doing his best.
Let me explain; the reading occurred in Indigo, which is a big place, but could barely contain the four hundred (at least) people who crowded in. It was hot and cramped and there weren't any seats unless you got there two hours in advance.
He handed out air fresheners. He handed out three hundred meat-scented, steak-shaped air 'fresheners' that he insisted we open and swing around. Eew. REALLY.
He was a fantastic speaker who was extremely talented at taking hilarious, disgusting, sad and sadistic stories and never allowing his audience to see them as abstract in any way; he was very good at keeping a human face on his characters. He spoke (even before he started reading) about the sick things people did, and told him about. He spoke about a guy finding out he had HIV, a guy who took pictures of dead people, and teenagers who commit suicide by accident.
Then he started reading. He told "Guts". This is the story about which the article I linked was about, the story, apparently, that he had 'retired' in view of the reactions he was getting. I was thrilled when he announced it.
The story was just as gross as the rest of his talk. It was great.
The crowd was good, too. It was a very young, kind of anti-establishment type crowd- very rock.
He took questions after, though he'd already made a point of talking about the rediculous comments and questions he usually got. For instance, those people (in the States), who ask him "Do you want to come to our fight club?" To which he sarcastically responds; "Yeah, like what I really want is to do this, and then go get punched."
He got some great questions, but was also a clever enough speaker that he made what would normally be mundane answers into interresting responses. For instance, the question "What do you aim to do with your writing?" to which he answered, "I aim to amuse myself. [These readings are] like sex; I want you to be there and be quiet until I'm done."
He was funny, and he gave out prizes (other than the air fresheners). He had us rolling when he spoke about being scheduled for readings following Erin Rolston, who wrote his true story about being caught in a rockslide and having to amputate his own arm with a swiss army knife. This was funny because the prizes Chuck had were rubber severed arms, which the bookstore workers kept unpacking beforehand, and thinking it was all a very distasteful joke. LOL!
All in all- man, was that a good night! He was a great speaker, and I'm glad I went. And, since I'm sure you're wondering, no, I did not even get woozy. In fact, I think I was one of the few who were laughing at the parts that few others were finding funny. What can I say? My mind has sick depths which boggle even me...
I'll leave you with a last memorable comment by the author;

"How we digest our lives is by making stories out of them, and retelling until we wear them out. We write to control our stories, and not be controlled by them."

Stuttery whales in design class

Okay, so I'm in design class and trying not to sound like a kindergarten student; "Scott, the tail of my whale is all messed up...again..."
We're trying to make a book cover (a duplicate of the teacher's), for practice. We're supposed to be learning graphic design, but I (and I'm not alone here), kind of, well, suck at it.
It helps that what we're doing actually takes, like, years of study, but that only helps us feel better, not do any better. My whale keeps going all stuttery.
At least he still has fins, though, unlike those of some of my classmates.
We're an odd pod.
And on that jabberwockian note, I'm going to sign off...I don't think I'm terribly interresting today.

I've gotta read this!

I know I just blogged, but then I surfed, and check out what I came across.
Damn.
(Click the title for the link).

Call this a recap

So busy. *Sigh*
Okay, a quick recap (and I do mean quick) of the past weeks:

I saw a deer. In Toronto. And I wasn’t hallucinating, either- Eggroll saw it too.

I spent a great couple of days crashing at Laur’s and Hugh’s place. Fun, not long enough, and I (regretfully) had to flake on the last day, so many apologies to them, though honestly I had started to feel like I was neglecting the Mom by then, so it was with mixed feelings that I dragged my ass home. Especially since she was making me do work(!)

Class rocks. Finance is the bane of my existence, but I live for fieldtrips. We’ve been to House of Anansi, (small, independent, very metro-funky-chic), Random House (the hugest, very cool, money and power, baby!), and today, Goodman and Goodman law offices (literary and entertainment agents- very who’s-who, totally connected, impressive). The information is fascinating and plentiful, as are the perks! We keep getting food, stuff, BOOKS even, plus the use of these very corporate-cool boardrooms all day- I feel so professional in them. Random House and G&G were actually pretty similar, in looks, anyways, but some of my classmates said that that was where they felt the ‘belonged’, and I didn’t agree. Random House was just as corporate and professional and posh, but there was a different air about the place. No matter how corporate it was, they were still a bunch of book geeks like me. The lawyers weren’t. Passionate, given, which was great to encounter (the head guy we were talking with told us all about ‘nurturing’ his author clients), but it wasn’t just books for him (he handles others, like Kim Cattrall, which spins him once again into the realm of super coolness, but I digress).

Work is fine. I was down about it for a week or two there, but I think things are improving. They just hired a new girl who seems really nice, and having someone to depend on (or, more accurately, take advantage of), and give me a little slack will be awfully nice. I’m looking forward to having at least one day that I can CHOOSE what to do with, even if that does turn out to be things like homework and cleaning the house. At this point, so little that is needing to is actually getting done, that I’m actually relishing the idea of even getting to do that much.

I went to the doc this week- first time I’ve met her, and she’s nice, and now I’m getting an Epi pen (as in epinephrine, so’s as I don’t do that dying thing if I get stung by das bees). I’m glad to finally be getting one, not that I’m going to let down my guard or anything (hey, a 16/17 year record is not one I’m looking to break!), but seeing as there’s an apple orchard in the middle of my school campus, I thought it would be adviseable to have the escape route just in case. Clever me.

The family reunion is coming up. Totally looking forward to it, dying to see everyone and to talk to people…we do this a lot less often than we ought to. Mom has given me a deadline for getting my room together in anticipation of being invaded by Atos’s, and then there’s the not-so-subtle hint she gave me the other day; “We can start baking any day now, you know.” Maybe I’ll make some extras and take them to class- make me some friends.

Arrgh, what else?
I bought the new Coldplay CD today (X&Y). It’s friggin FANTASTIC. Seriously, people, go buy.

As for books, there’s nothing new up my sleeve; I’m back on my favourite drug- Harry Potter. In anticipation for the next big release (37 days, 4 hours, 31 minutes, 11 seconds as I write this), I have begun again. Going slowly- I’d like to say because I’m relishing them, but the truth is, I’m just struggling to squeeze in any decent reading time. I still plan to be done the fifth by the night before the new release, though. Determination!
I’m also happy to announce that my publishing class is just a wrapped up in this as I am! (Well, maybe not *quite* as much as I am, but it’s hard to reach my heights). (Yeah, even I ROFL at that one.)

In any case, there’s a dirty kitchen, a pile of homework, and a brand-spankin-new CD waiting for me- I’m out, folks. Talk to you all, sooner or later, though I have design class…tomorrow?.. maybe friday…one of those…blog then.