Eew eew eew, there was a mouse in my room! There's a mouse in my ro-o-o-m! He was brown or gray and he went under a plastic bag and I threw a stapler at him, but staplers are not aerodynamic and it flew with bad aim! Now I'm standing here with a broom, poking all the little piles of laundry that are on my floor (I'm a student), and yelling things like "I'm big and scary! Run away mouse!"
So, basically, a fuzzy little mammal the likes of which my brother used to keep as a pet, that is many many times smaller than me has turned me into a blubbering idiot, who sounds really really pathetic. On the upside, my room is finally getting clean.
Maybe if he had a name, he would be less scary. Milton? Hamling? I need suggestions here, people.
Okay. So I work tommorrow, but on wednesday I can take the bus to Dundas and buy HUMANE traps, and when I catch little Milton Hamling, I will set him free in Cootes Paradise (the nature preserve with the walking trails behind campus), and he can live a full mouse-life, Bethany free. This is really my only option, since, while Eggroll (my brother's dog) loves to chase things, I'm not all that sure he's very good at catching them, and lets face it, what would he do with a mouse? There are of course Mom's cats- I have my choice of the declawed one or the three-legged one. Fairly useless, unless they team up:
"Okay Tri-pawed, you stand in the corner, and I'll drive him toward you!"
Unlikely.
In the meantime, it's a broom in my hand, no more food wrappers on the floor (again, I'm a STUDENT), and my new mantra: "Stay away, Milton Hamling! I'm big and scary!"
And I WILL resist the urge to leave him a piece of chocolate.
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3 comments:
i've officially busted a gut laughing my huge ass off... eagerly awaiting the next installment...
keep on rockin' in the free world!
Glad to hear you now have motivation to clean your room. ;)
Jamie (the brother)
B: I love reading what you write. You have a great voice. Re: the mouse situation, I have 2 suggestions: 1, read Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver; 2, get a couple of boxes of steel wool, and go all through your house looking for all the teeny little holes they might be using to get in. Tear off bits of steel wool and stuff them in the holes. (A chopstick comes in handy for this). This works because steel wool is just about the only substance that mice won't eat and can't chew through. And it's humane, because you're not hurting them -- you're just denying them access (and sending them next door).
You keep writing, and I'll keep reading.
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